Perimenopause and Toddlers: A Love Story Nobody Asked For!

 So here I am. Forty-ish. Hot flashes on shuffle. Sleep is a rumor, and my one-year-old has decided now is the perfect time to start screaming for fun. This is not a drill. This is my life.

The Plot Twist Nature Never Warned Me About

Nobody tells you that perimenopause and toddlerhood can overlap. You think you've got a 20-year gap, right? Wrong. It's like Mother Nature looked at me and said, "Let's just layer these life stages on top of one another, and let's see what kind of black hole we can open." 

So now I'm simultaneously:

• Sweating through my shirt while trying to put pants on my toddler.
• Crying over a sentimental commercial while my toddler cries over the fork I won't allow her to stick in the outlet.
• Googling "perimenopause symptoms" while also Googling "why is my toddler's poop a weird shade of tan?"

The Hormonal Hunger Games

Toddlers are unpredictable. So is perimenopause. Put them together, and it's basically The Hunger Games but with more snacks.

• Toddler meltdown at Walmart? Check.
• Mommy meltdown at Walmart because she's standing in the freezer aisle, freezer door open because she's having a hot flash? DOUBLE CHECK.

At this point, the employees just walk by me, nodding their heads in pity; they've seen me before.

Sleep? We don't know her.

A typical night:

• 12 AM: Toddler wakes for the first time.
• 1 AM: I awake in a sweat puddle.
• 2 AM: Toddler cries because the moon was too bright.
• 3 AM: I'm wide-awake, wondering if I returned a certain book in the fourth grade or if geese experience "goosebumps"?
• 5AM: Toddler raises up in her crib like a vampire would rise from their coffin.
• 7AM: Toddler and I are watching Bluey for the 587th time while sharing Fruit Loops from the box.

The Real Villain in This Story: My Body

Here's the thing: my body can't decide what season it's in. Is it fertility? Is it menopause? Is it pure hormonal rage? Meanwhile, my toddler's body is 100% committed to chaos. Together, we are practically a grenade about to explode.

But You Know What?

There's also magic. Tiny toddler kisses between hot flashes. Little hands patting me like, "You're doing great, mom." A sweet voice that calls out for "mama" reminds me of why I cherish every moment.

Final Thoughts:

Parenting a one-year-old while going through "the change" is proof that God has a sense of humor, and honestly? I laugh about it too...as soon as I stop crying.

To the new moms still figuring it out, and to the moms who thought they were finished, but now find themselves battling hot flashes and toddler tantrums, you belong here. Drop a comment with your stage of motherhood so we can remind each other that no matter where we are, we're all in the same village.

I've written my first children's book, Sophia and the Secret Garden, a whimsical, heartwarming story full of adventure, and the reminder that no matter how old you get, you are always a kid in the garden.  You can find the book here: https://amzn.to/45oGZPN

What I wish I Could Tell My Older Children

 I had another baby at 40.

And with her, something in me settled. I feel calmer. More present. I don’t panic every time she cries. I don’t question every decision. I feel like I know what I’m doing.

But that peace comes with something I didn’t expect.

Guilt.

Because at night, when the house is quiet and my thoughts grow loud, I wonder…

Did my other kids get the best version of me?

Or did they grow up with a mom who was just trying to survive?

 The Unspoken Hurt

When I think about my older kids, I remember being overwhelmed, unsure, anxious. I loved them with everything I had, but I didn’t always know how to show it. Not in the right way. Not in the way I can now.

Back then, I was younger but more afraid.

Quicker to react. Slower to rest.

Too caught up in being what I thought a perfect mom was, to just be a present one.

And now that I’m parenting again with experience, I feel something else creeping in.

Regret.

 The Guilt I Carry

No one told me that having another baby could bring healing… and heartache.

Because this time, I whisper more. I slow down. I let the mess stay a little longer if it means soaking in a moment. And I think, Why couldn’t I do this before?

And the guilt hits hard.

Will they remember the stress?

The tired mom? The distracted mom?

Will they ever feel like she got more of me than they did?

 What I Know Now

Here’s what I’m starting to understand.

I wasn’t a bad mom back then.

I was a becoming mom.

I was learning how to love through exhaustion.

I was fighting through anxiety, through pressure, through the weight of trying to do everything right.

And I may not have known what I was doing all the time, but I loved them with everything I had.

Even when I was broken.

Even when I was unsure.

Even when I didn’t feel enough.

 A Letter to My Older Kids

If you ever wonder…

If you ever question…

Yes, I was tired.

Yes, I was stressed.

Yes, I was overwhelmed.

But you were never unloved.

Not for one second.

If anything, you were the ones who taught me how to be the mom I am now.

You helped me grow into her.

And for that, I owe you everything.

 Closing:

I still lie awake some nights wondering if I got it all wrong.

But then I remember that motherhood is a journey.

And love — real love — leaves room for imperfection.

So no, maybe I wasn’t perfect back then.

But I was yours.

And I loved you then, just like I love you now.

Maybe even more, because now I can look back and see what a gift it all was.

Even the parts I didn’t get right.

I’m Not JUST Your Mom!

 I’m not just your mom.

I’m a wife, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, and a niece.

But more than anything…

I’m a person.

I was once a little girl who loved to laugh, who dreamed of becoming a princess, and who ran to her own mommy when she was scared. I was a kid trying to find my way. I was a teenager stumbling through this crazy world, making mistakes and trying to learn from them.

And then I became a mom.

I didn’t know how to care for something so tiny, so fragile. I didn’t come with a manual or a blueprint. I had to grow with you—learn with you. Every new stage of your life was a new stage for me too.

Yes, I’m your mom.

But I’m also still just a woman learning every day. Still figuring things out. Still getting it wrong sometimes. Still dreaming. Still healing. Still growing.

So, the next time you look at me, when I forget something, when I say the wrong thing, when I seem overwhelmed, I hope you’ll remember I’m not just your mom.

I’m a whole person.

One who loves you more than you could ever know,

But one who’s still just trying to get it right.

This is new for me too.

She’s Not Your Competition

 You’re standing in the grocery store, staring at a pack of chicken and wondering if tonight’s the night you finally cook a proper meal… or if it’s Cinnamon Toast Crunch (again). That sweet, crunchy bowl of surrender has already been dinner three times this week.

Then you see her.

Another momma, gliding effortlessly down the aisle with her cart full of fruits and veggies, looking like she stepped straight out of a Pinterest board. You picture her in a spotless kitchen, cooking a gourmet dinner, lighting candles on her table, and somehow managing to be everything you feel like you’re not.

But what you didn’t see was her, just a few hours earlier, locked in her bathroom, crying.

Exhausted. Overwhelmed.

Telling herself she’s failing.

Today, your little girl turned three. You dressed her up in a princess dress, watched her gleefully smash cake into everything except her mouth, and captured every moment like it was gold.

You shared it on social media.

And just like that, the comments came:

“Too much sugar.”

“Processed food?”

“Do you know what’s in that frosting?”

What they didn’t know is…

You lost your job.

Money is tight.

And you scrimped and saved just to give your baby one magical, messy, beautiful day.

A brand new mom brings her baby home, heart bursting with love—and nerves. She’s learning, fumbling, doing her best. But instead of receiving support, she’s met with criticism.

Unsolicited advice.

And a barrage of “you should do it this way.”

She’s not asking to be corrected.

She’s begging to be understood.

Mommas, she is not your competition.

So why are we acting like she is?

Why are we so quick to pick each other apart?

Why do we rush to judge the version of someone’s life we can’t possibly understand?

We’ve all fought invisible battles.

We’ve all cried in the shower so no one could hear.

We’ve all felt like we were failing.

It’s time to stop the comparisons.

To quit the criticism.

And start showing up for each other.

Be the mom who smiles in the grocery store.

Be the woman who says, “You’re doing a great job,” to the one holding a screaming toddler and a crying baby.

Be the friend who brings grace instead of guilt.

We don’t need more judgment.

We need more cheerleaders.

Because one day, the little girls we’re raising will become moms too—and what we model is what they’ll carry.

Let’s teach them to support.

To encourage.

To believe in one another.

The truth is, we’re all just trying to make it through the day without hiding in the pantry with a bag of goldfish and noise-canceling headphones.

So, let’s stop treating each other like competition.

And start being the village we all desperately need.

If this message speaks to you, share it.

Tag a mom who’s doing her best, even when it doesn’t feel like enough.

Let’s flood the feeds with kindness, not criticism.

Because real support starts with us.