Being a Momma in Your 20s vs. Your 40s—And Why It’s Surprisingly Easier Now (No, Really!)

I had my first baby young—really young. And if I’m being honest, I never truly felt like I was the mom she needed. I didn’t know what I was doing. Every decision felt huge. Every cry felt like a crisis. I second-guessed everything—from what bottle to use to whether I was even cut out for this.

As time went on and I had more children, some of it got easier. I figured out the basics. I got into a rhythm. But deep down, I still felt like I was growing up right alongside them.

I was learning to parent while I was still learning who I was. And that’s a special kind of beautiful—but also, incredibly hard.

Now, here I am in my 40s… and doing it all again. And guess what? It’s actually easier. I know—wild, right?

Not because I suddenly have all the answers (spoiler: I don’t), but because I finally stopped trying to be perfect. I’m no longer trying to prove anything—to myself or to anyone else. I’m not reading parenting books like they’re gospel. I’m not spiraling over every cough or skipped nap. I’m trusting my gut. And that has made all the difference.

In my 20s, motherhood felt like a test I was always on the verge of failing. In my 40s, it feels like a role I’ve grown into—one I actually get to slow down and enjoy this time around.

Here’s What’s Different Now:

I’m more patient.

Not because I’m a saint (please, I still hide in the bathroom), but because I know what matters. I’ve learned to pick my battles—and most of the time, it’s never as serious as I may think. 

I’ve stopped comparing.

Back then, every mom on the playground felt like she had it more together than me. Now? I realize we’re all winging it. Some of us are just better at hiding it.

I know this doesn’t last forever.

In my 20s, I thought every phase would break me. In my 40s, I know each one passes. I’ve seen it. I’ve lived it. And I’ve learned to lean into the joy, even when it’s wrapped in spit-up and sleepless nights.

I’m Not the Same Mom I Was—And That’s a Good Thing

I used to feel guilty about not being the “perfect mom.” Now I feel proud that I’ve become a real one—flawed, present, and full of love. My younger self had drive and energy. My older self has wisdom and grace. And honestly? I think my kids benefit more from the second one.

Motherhood in your 40s isn’t about trying to recapture your youth—it’s about showing up with all the lessons it took you decades to learn. It’s about being able to say, “I’ve got you,” while also saying, “I’ve got me, too.”

So yes, I’m the pajama-wearing, coffee-reheating, emotionally-stable(ish) mom doing it all over again in my 40s.

And surprisingly? I wouldn’t change a thing.